This Vogue article almost perfectly sums up several of my fears when it comes to motherhood. I’ve touched on it briefly  but now that we’re a little older and financially sound, the posibility of having or considering having a kid looms closer each day. I say it like I wouldn’t welcome it but we both absolutaly would. It’s just that, the literature, the social media, and discussion board comments seem to be filled with everything from endearing mums to down right indignant commenters that believe you’re somehow owed a heavy dose of ridicule should you dare to kiss your child on the lips.

I’ve purchased what most likely may be only my second, though probably last, baby book; The Impatient Women’s Guide to Getting Pregnant and guess what? Surprise! I have absolutely no patience for any of it. The data is conflicting, everyone and their – literal – mothers have an opinion on how to be the perfect parent when, lets be honest here, many could have probably done better. The argument being of course, even if you really did do what society hails as being a smashing job on raising the most respectful and hard working (don’t forget mindful) child know to man, there’s always something that could have been done differently, dare I say even, better. I know for a fact I’ve made mistakes in my past that will more than likely get thrown in my face by our future offspring, I like to think it will actually assist me in being the most awesome mum ever.

Hot debates on fertility treatment, bread feeding in public, what you should and shouldn’t eat while pregnant, its enough for anyone to throw their hands up and say “forget it!” Though I warn against this, lest you insight judgment from the masses for being ‘selfish’ in you decision to not procreate (insert exaggerated eye roll). Add to the fact the studies, oh my are there a TON of studiers, for and against a glass of wine, e-cigs, cannabis to curb nausea, fish, wheat! I don’t know about you but I am already anxiety prone without having to worry about how getting upset in traffic might stall my ability to conceive. My past experience has taught me that nothing is promised, not tomorrow, not your significant other surviving another day, absolutely nothing, nor is anything owed for that matter. In addition, though this seems like sage wisdom when actually it’s just obvious advice; take care of not only yourselves but each other. There’s a lot of talk about feminism, but some of these same women turn on their fellow sisters; for breast feeding in public or asking local government to provide affordable daycare. I offer, that we not place so many labels on things, or ourselves, and be satisfied with the fact that you’ve been given the wonderful opportunity to exist, that you have the ability to make meaningful contribution to the world. I implore each and every one you to judge less and just…live more.

Ps. I bought one more book, so far I am half regretting it half looking forward to discovering the healthy recipes I’ve been promised. If you like feeling that your consumption of meat is destroying your ‘baby home’-and the planet- then pick up Alicia Silverstone’s The Kind Mama.

xx,

e.darby