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  • The Most Beautiful European Villas in Film – Architectural Digest

    From the rolling hills of Tuscany to the rocky cliffs of the French Riviera, a villa guarantees filmmakers stunning scenery and audiences an escape from the ordinary

    By Elizabeth Stamp

    a pink italian mansion near a manicured garden
    Villa di Geggiano in Siena, Italy, which appeared in the 1996 movie Stealing Beauty starring Liv Tyler.

    Photo: Gary Ashley

    Hollywood has had a long love affair with the villa. And it’s not just romance movies like Under the Tuscan Sun that revolve around villas. Nearly every genre, from action to comedy, has fallen under the spell of the European countryside. Many of these properties have histories just as interesting and dramatic as the movies they’re featured in, including some that have been used to hide mistresses and even a Mafia arsenal. From a minimalist house in Sweden to UNESCO world heritage sites in Italy, these villas have hosted spies, ballerinas, lovers, and even warriors from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Many of the villas can be rented, or now operate as hotels, so they could also be the backdrop to your next adventure.

    Villa d’Este, Tivoli, Italy

    a large fountain in front of an ancient villa
    Villa d’Este.

    Photo: Getty Images

    Long before its cameos in Woody Allen’s To Rome with Love, Bruce Lee’s The Way of the Dragon, and The Lizzie McGuire Movie, the Villa d’Este was the palace of Cardinal Ippolito II d’Este. Designed by Pirro Ligorio, the palace and its spectacular Renaissance gardens were designated a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 2001.

    Villa Balbianello, Lake Como, Italy

    a castlelike villa perched next to a lake
    Villa Balbianello.

    Photo: Carl Simon/United Archives/UIG via Getty Images

    Few locations can boast that they’ve hosted James Bond and Anakin Skywalker. Set on the Lavedo Peninsula in Lake Como, Villa Balbianello was built by Cardinal Durini in the late 18th century and was later the home of explorer Guido Monzino. The villa and its gardens were featured in Casino Royale and Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones.

    Villa Vignamaggio, Chianti, Italy

    a pink italian villa next to a manicured garden
    Villa Vignamaggio.

    Photo: Robert Harding / Alamy Stock Photo

    Settled by the Gherardini family—relatives of Mona Lisa Gherardini (yes, that Mona Lisa)—starting in the 14th century, Villa Vignamaggio is one of Tuscany’s oldest farming estates. Kenneth Branagh chose the location to serve as the backdrop to his 1993 adaptation of Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing.

    Villa Malaparte, Capri, Italy

    a pink large house on a cliff overlooking the water
    Villa Malaparte.

    Photo: AGF Srl / Alamy Stock Photo

    Adalberto Libera’s dramatic modernist design for Villa Malaparte on the island of Capri was destined for the big screen. Overlooking the Gulf of Salerno from its cliffside perch, the villa is still a private residence, but architecture lovers can catch a glimpse by watching Jean-Luc Godard’s 1963 film Contempt.

    Villa Necchi Campiglio, Milan, Italy

    a tancolored Italian villa
    Villa Necchi Campiglio.

    Photo: MARKA / Alamy Stock Photo

    It’s hard to steal a scene from Tilda Swinton, but Villa Necchi Campiglio came close. The opulent 1930s villa, which is located in the center of Milan, was the filming location of Luca Guadagnino’s 2010 film I Am Love. Designed by Piero Portaluppi, the villa was later remodeled in the 1950s by Tomaso Buzzi.

    Villa Laura, Cortona, Italy

    two italian stone houses next to a pool
    Villa Laura.

    Photo: Courtesy of Villa Laura

    Villa Laura is a picturesque 17th-century property outside Cortona in Tuscany. Romance fans may know Villa Laura as Villa Bramasole, its name in the 2003 film Under the Tuscan Sun. The villa was completely remodeled in 2006 and now operates as a rental property.

    Villa Malfitano Whitaker, Palermo, Italy

    a yellowish beige Italian style house
    Villa Malfitano Whitaker.

    Photo: via Wikimedia / Dedda71

    Built by Joseph Whitaker in the late 1880s, Villa Malfitano Whitaker was a hub of Sicilian high society during the Belle Époque. Today it is a museum displaying Whitaker’s collections of art and artifacts. In 1990, Francis Ford Coppola chose the villa as one of the filming locations for The Godfather III. And the villa has its own Mafia connection. In 2009, it was discovered that the Mafia was hiding an arsenal in a cave on the property with the help of the gardener.

    Villa di Geggiano, Siena, Italy

    a pink italian villa behind a garden
    Villa di Geggiano.

    Photo: Christine Bauer

    Over the course of its history, Villa di Geggiano has gone from a country cottage to a grand villa. The property, which is also home to gardens, a theater, and a working vineyard, was named a Monumento Nazionale. Filmmaker Bernardo Bertolucci chose the villa for his 1996 movie Stealing Beauty, starring Liv Tyler.

    Villa Arvedi, Verona, Italy

    an italian villa with orange stone walls at the end of a manicured garden
    Villa Allegri Arvedi.

    Photo: Alex Ramsay / Alamy Stock Photo

    Located outside of Verona, Villa Arvedi was originally built in 1437 as a palace-fortress. The Allegri family took over the property in the 17th century and worked with architect Giovanni Battista Bianchi to expand and renovate the villa. The home has been owned by the Arvedi family since 1824, and it appeared in the 2010 Amanda Seyfried movie Letters to Juliet.

    Villa Lante, Lazio, Italy

    an alcove of an italian villa with a piano at the far end
    Villa Lante.

    Photo: Lipnitzki/Roger Viollet/Getty Images

    Built above the town of Bagnaia, Villa Lante is home to what is considered to be one of the the best examples of a Mannerist garden. The gardens were designed by Giacomo Barozzi da Vignola for Cardinal Gianfrancesco Gambara during the 16th century and feature terraces, parterres, fountains, and grottoes. The lush spot was featured in the 1999 adaptation of A Midsummer Night’s Dream and Terrence Malick’s 2011 film The Tree of Life.

    Palazzo Malcovati, Ischia, Italy

    two people sitting on a balcony overlooking the sea
    Palazzo Malcovati.

    Photo: ©Paramount/Courtesy Everett Collection

    Dickie Greenleaf’s retreat in the fictional town of Mongibello is actually on the volcanic island of Ischia in the Bay of Naples. His villa in the 1999 adaptation of the Patricia Highsmith thriller The Talented Mr. Ripley is Palazzo Malcovati, which was originally built as a defense tower in the 16th century.

    Villa della Regina, Turin, Piedmont, Italy

    an orange or beige villa at the top of sweeping stairs behind a round fountain
    Villa della Regina.

    Photo: Stefano Cavoretto / Alamy Stock Photo

    The Villa della Regina was built in the 17th century by the Savoy family and served as their summer residence until the 19th century. The villa, along with the other residences of the Royal House of Savoy, was listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1997. The property served as the hideout spot in the 1969 version of The Italian Job, starring Michael Caine.

    Villa Aldobrandini, Frascati, Italy

    an orange stone villa
    Villa Aldobrandini.

    Photo: Christian Sappa/Gamma-Rapho via Getty Images

    While many of Italy’s grand villas have been passed on to private foundations or the state, Villa Aldobrandini is still home to the Aldobrandini family, which has owned the property since 1598. The baroque villa, which appeared in 2016’s Zoolander 2 and 1998’s Dangerous Beauty, is perched above the town of Frascati and is known for its exceptional gardens and water theater.

    Villa di Maiano, Maiano, Florence, Tuscany, Italy

    a yellow villa with a tower like structure on top
    Villa di Maiano.

    Photo: I Sailko / via Wikimedia

    Set outside of Florence, Villa di Maiano was originally built in 1400 and has been owned by a number of noble Italian families. The villa’s Red Room was used by James Ivory in his 1985 film A Room with a View, and the property was also a filming location for Franco Zeffirelli’s 1999 movie Tea with Mussolini.

    Villa Oleandra, Lake Como, Italy

    a white villa on the shore of a lake
    Villa Oleandra.

    Photo: Mario Matassa / Alamy Stock Photo

    The production team of Ocean’s 12 didn’t have to look too hard for a Italian villa to shoot in, since star George Clooney happened to own an 18th-century property in Lagio, right on the water of Lake Como. The actor purchased the villa from the Heinz family in 2001 and hosts many of his A-list friends there, including John Krasinski and Emily Blunt and the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

    Villa Albergoni, Lombardy, Italy

    a villa next to a road through the trees
    Villa Albergoni.

    Photo: Cremasco / via Wikimedia

    Originally a fortress, Villa Albergoni was converted into a residence in the 17th century. More recently, the home hit the big screen in Luca Guadagnino’s Call Me by Your Name.Set decorator Violante Visconti di Modrone created the home’s decor for the film, which was nominated for four Academy Awards and won for Best Adapted Screenplay. The villa was put up for sale in 2018, and is listed for $1.89 million.

    Villa Fossette, Le Lavandou, France

    a pool cut into a cliff with a villa above it
    Villa Fossette.

    Photo: Courtesy of Abercrombie & Kent

    When in need of a Côte d’Azur location for Otto Preminger’s 1958 adaptation of her novel Bonjour Tristesse, Francoise Sagan turned to her friends Pierre and Hélène Lazareff. (Pierre founded the newspaper France-Soir, and together they founded Elle magazine.) The couple owned Villa Fossette in Le Lavandou, a seaside town in southwest France. The villa and the surrounding beaches became the background for the film, which starred Jean Seberg, David Niven, and Deborah Kerr.

    Villa Ephrussi de Rothschild, Saint-Jean-Cap-Ferrat, France

    a pink and white villa
    Villa Ephrussi de Rothschild.

    Photo: Alain Buu/Gamma-Rapho via Getty Images

    When building her villa on the French Riviera, Baroness Béatrice Ephrussi de Rothschild sought proposals from the leading architects in France. She ultimately commissioned Jacques Marcel Auburtin to design the property, which took seven years to complete. The magnificent rose-colored villa was filled with the baroness’s collections of art, antique furniture, and rare porcelain, and later appeared in the films Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and Never Say Never Again.

    Castel Henriette, Sevres, France

    a towering strange looking castle
    Castel Henriette.

    Photo: Zip Lexing / Alamy Stock Photo

    Art Nouveau architect Hector Guimard designed Castel Henriette in 1899. While it was completed in 1900, it had to be modified in 1903 because its lookout tower was in danger of collapsing. It served as a filming location for several movies in the 1960s, including What’s New Pussycat. The villa was demolished in 1969, despite a campaign to save it.

    Villa Leopolda, Villefranche-sur-Mer, France

    a yellow and orange villa one a hillside
    Villa Leopolda.

    Photo: Pool LAFARGUE/MERILLON/Gamma-Rapho via Getty Images

    King Leopold II of Belgium originally built the villa and gifted it to his mistress, Blanche Zélia Joséphine Delacroix. American architect Ogden Codman bought it in the 1920s and transformed it into a massive estate. In 1948, it was featured in the classic ballet film The Red Shoes. It is currently owned by Lily Safra, and Forbes ranks it as the second most expensive home in the world.

    Schloss Leopoldskron and Schloss Frohnburg, Salzburg, Austria

    a large white villa on the edge of a lake
    Schloss Leopoldskron.

    Photo: Getty Images

    Two Salzburg homes were used to create Villa Von Trapp in The Sound of Music. (The real Villa Trapp in nearby Aigen is now a hotel.) Schloss Leopoldskron’s lakeside terrace was featured in the film, and the villa’s elegant Venetian room was re-created on a Hollywood soundstage. Schloss Frohnburg served as the exterior of the home.

    Villa Överby, Stockholm, Sweden

    a modern glass building next to a pool and lake
    Villa Överby.

    Photo: Åke E:son Lindman / Lindman Photography

    John Robert Nilsson Architects completed this minimalist villa in 2009. Set on a rocky hilltop, it was the perfect isolated residence for the character of Martin Vanger in the 2011 adaptation of Stieg Larsson’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

     

  • Trigger Warning – 10 years later

    I just couldn’t find much on how to process these randomised bouts of grief and depression, especially when they hit during the morning, on my way in to work. It’s not that I couldn’t go home, I absolutely can, no questions asked, but will going home to an empty house make me feel better…or worse?

    Three years into my marriage and I still can’t find the words to begin the conversation of the toll this immense grief takes on me (10 years later), due to the loss of an old  friend and lover. There’s no book on this, not that I am aware of anyway. So I have to keep moving forward, I have a promotion waiting on the line, I have people at work depending on me. I am not an important CEO, whose sole responsibility it is to keep a company afloat, I am just a lowly government employee, though I do take my job very serious. As a millennial in the workplace, there’s already the assumption that I am checked out, one foot outside the door awaiting the next opportunity, with no loyalty to my current employer. I have something to prove, and I’ve always been hard on myself to succeed and stand out as a hard working and reliable employee, so how then do I cope with the immense loss I still feel a decade later, for a high school crush that would turn into a fierce romance and lifelong friendship, extending beyond death.

    I do know how crazy that is, to assert that a deceased loved one continues to infiltrate my dreams and ‘visit’, I am the one who has to wake to the harsh realisation that it was all part of my subconscious and not an actual encounter, however real it may have felt. There are just some things in this world that can not be explained, and all I can say for certain is that I went to bed last night, wrapped in the warmth and comfort of a loving husband on Valentine’s Day, and woke cold and alone (the husband off to work before me), with the lingering memory of seeing those brilliant blue eyes in my dreams and the devastating, heart sinking sense of loss that followed. I can’t even find his name on the internet. There are so many who have passed with the same moniker since 2009, it’s as though he never existed. I know that’s silly too, but what about love or depression makes sense?

    So here are some tips I guess, should you find yourself like me, at work, crying, devastated at the loss of someone important in your life. It may help, or you may find some other article about how to deal with a recent loss that might help you, though my loss is not recent, and I am a living testament; time, so far, has not healed these wounds.

    National Suicide Prevention Hotline:

    1-800-273-8255
    HEALTHY LIVING

    Returning To Work While Grieving: 5 Helpful Suggestions

    Make sure you’re honest with both yourself and others

    If you’ve recently lost a loved one, then the grief is likely still fresh. But at some point you have to pick up the pieces and return to work. How you handle deep sorrow in the workplace will play a significant role in how well you’re able to heal and return to a semblance of “normal” after a great loss.

    The Normality of Grief

    Grief is a natural response to any kind of loss. We may suffer grief from losing a job, our health, a relationship, a pet, our home, or any other tangible (or intangible) object.

    But the most intense grief follows the loss of a life: particularly the death of a close family member or friend. And because grief can be so intense in that situation, people rarely know how to respond.

    “Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss,” explains Melinda Smith, M.A.

    “The grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried ― and there is no ‘normal’ timetable for grieving.”

    Some people can grieve for a few days and return relatively to normal. For others, grief happens in stages that can last for months, even years. The essential thing is for you to recognize the normality of grief and allow it to happen.

    How To Deal With Grief In The Workplace

    “Giving adequate room for grief is also vital to a person’s well-being. This is something that can be prepared somewhat prior to a loved one’s death,” explains Susan Fraser of In the Light Urns.

    “If the dying person is a close family member or friend, those who are grieving may not feel able to go back to work or school right away. They can make arrangements ahead of time so that they do not feel the pressure to ask for accommodations while they are also coping with the loss.”

    But what if the death is sudden and unexpected? After a few days away from work, how do you carry your grief upon your return to the office when there was no plan or chance to prepare? Consider the following tips and strategies:

    1. Focus On Doing

    Your natural inclination may be to shut down and do nothing, but being productive can be a substantial springboard for healing. By focusing on performing constructive tasks, you may shift your mind away from your distress for set periods of time and regain a semblance of stability in your life.

    Don’t confuse doing with ignoring, though. Pushing emotions away and staying busy so you don’t have to experience your grief is something different. Work should only be used as a temporary distraction and route to recovery.

    Grief needs to happen, but balancing it with familiar tasks that are unrelated to the death of your loved one can help you avoid becoming consumed by feelings of anguish and depression.

    2. Let Others Help

    If there’s ever a moment in your life when you shouldn’t be ashamed to ask for help, it’s in the wake of a loved one’s death. Not only do other people understand your situation, but they want to help.

    Instead of closing yourself off and asserting that everything’s fine, be honest with your coworkers. This is something Anna Runyan realized when she went through the grieving process after two miscarriages and the loss of her aunt in a short span of time.

    “I realized that, when I opened up and let everyone know what I was going through, they were able to understand better,” Runyan says. “They were happy to pick up my workload right away, and they didn’t expect me to be doing anything. Because they were so supportive, I could really focus on myself.”

    3. Forgive People For Their Responses

    Don’t be surprised if things feel a bit awkward when you return to the office. People can be very loving and compassionate, but we often struggle with a proper response to death.

    We don’t always know how to speak to someone who’s lost someone precious, and there can be a lot of hesitation and outright fear of saying the wrong thing. A clumsy solution is to avoid the subject entirely.

    While this is hardly the best thing people can do, you must try not to hold it against them. Recognize that they are trying their best to be sensitive to your emotional state and don’t wish to send you into a tailspin of despair.

    Forgive others for their responses, but you should also not hesitate to let them know you’re a little hurt. This can open things up and lead to healthier interactions thereafter.

    4. Understand Your Benefits

    Did you know that many large companies offer an array of benefits for people who are going through personal issues … including grief? Take advantage of these opportunities if they’re there for you.

    “I worked for the same company for six years and never understood my benefits,” Runyan points out. “I realized later than I would have liked to know that my company offered some amazing benefits, including free confidential counseling and research programs.”

    If you’re not sure whether you have such benefits available to you, don’t be afraid to ask. The worst thing that can happen is your HR department or boss will say no, I’m sorry. It’s also possible that, even if you don’t have a particular service in your formal benefits package, the boss may offer to cover the cost associated with counseling on the company’s dime.

    You never know until you put yourself out there.

    5. Find A Quiet Place To Retreat

    As you may know, grief tends to come in waves. You can be fine one minute, then encounter a tiny trigger that sets off an involuntary flow of deep emotion the next.

    Because you can never know how “stable” you’ll be from one day to the next, it’s worthwhile to have a place where you can retreat to if necessary. The last place you want to break down is in the middle of a crowded conference or break room.

    Your retreat may be as simple as closing your office door. But if you don’t have your own space? An empty closet, rarely used stairwell, or bathroom stall may be a fine temporary retreat.

    When you feel tears coming on, excuse yourself from wherever you are and find some solace in your “quiet place.” You’ll feel better not melting down in front of the rest of the office and your coworkers will understand.

    Take the Next Step Toward Healing

    Grief plays a catalytic role in psychological healing after the death of a loved one. But because grief can last for weeks, months, or years, most people have to return to work while they’re still in the process of grieving.

    When you get back to work, make sure you’re honest with both yourself and others. Recognize where you are, emotionally, and don’t fight the natural process of mourning. The sooner you’re able to confront and process your grief, the sooner you’ll be able to live the rest of your life in a healthy and productive manner.

    It can be good to meet with a grief counselor or psychiatrist if you feel you could use some help coping with your emotions. This is not a sign of weakness, but an intelligent step in the right direction.

    This post is part of Common Grief, a Healthy Living editorial initiative. Grief is an inevitable part of life, but that doesn’t make navigating it any easier. The deep sorrow that accompanies the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage or even moving far away from home, is real. But while grief is universal, we all grievedifferently. So we started Common Griefto help learn from each other. Let’s talk about living with loss. If you have a story you’d like to share, email us at strongertogether@huffingtonpost.com.

  • Spicy Homemade (keto) Ramen

    Being that we’ve just wrapped up Hanukkah, should you find yourself needing a break from all the latkes and pastries, I’ve provided the following low carb/keto version of spicy vegetarian ramen.

    Happy holidays and I hope you enjoy my recipe.

    Be sure to comment with your alterations and feedback, I’m a ramen virgin so by no means did I have any idea what I was doing! 😆

    You will need:

    1 Vegetarian Vegetable bullion cube (I used Knorr)

    5 oz of shiitake mushrooms

    1 8oz bag of tofu shirataki spaghetti shaped noodle substitute

    1/2 of a 14oz jar of spicy kimchi (I used King’s)

    5 or more* peeled and diced cipolline onions (I used Melissa’s, pre peeled)

    *these have the highest carb content at 8g per half cup, according to MyFitnessPal.

    Directions:

    The tofu noodles come out of their bag pretty pungent so you may want to prepare as instructed by boiling them in water for 3 min or microwaving for one min, after thoroughly washing them.

    After starting the noodles, I sautéed the onions and mushrooms in a large pan using a bit of olive oil, adding in the kimchi last. After about 10 minutes of sautéing on medium heat, I added two cups of boiling water with the bullion cube.

    Once the noodles were done, I drained them before mixing them into the rest of the ingredients and leaving it all to simmer on low for about 6 minutes.

    Top it off with a hard boiled egg and enjoy!!

    xx,

    e.darby

  • Deux meat chili

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    Phew! This year sure flew by… I completed my Graduate Certificate through the University of Missouri (Mizzou), thinking for sure the last course on public budgeting and taxation would be a snooze fest but I actually learned a lot! Also, SO much has happened since my last post. We bought a home in Citrus Heights, CA basically the same week the Golden State Killer was captured nearby (talk about ssdgm), visited the UK, Scotland by way of London more specifically. Our flight was cancelled thanks to the Beast from the East; an apocalyptic winter storm that pushed our travel plans a week and nearly shut down an entire country.

    All appears to have come full circle as the enchantingly brisk weather once again approaches, bringing with it my favorite time of year and another turn completed on this crazy ride called Earth. What better way to mark the seasonal transition than with a savory low-carb chili recipe. I chose to top it off with Trader Joe’s shredded mild cheddar and the deliciously rich and creamy Organic Valley sour cream. I also decided to pair this meaty dish with my new fave ‘bargain’ wine, BV Costal Merlot.

    I used:

    1 lb free-range organic beef

    1 lb foster farms locally raised ground turkey

    6 minced cloves of organic garlic

    5 chopped organic radishes

    3 medium carrots

    2 bell peppers (I used red and yellow)

    1 can of diced tomatoes with chilies

    1 can of diced tomatoes (no chilies)

    Steps:

    Sauté meat and garlic until brown

    Drain the excess oil

    Add carrots, peppers, and tomatoes

    Cook covered until the carrots at soft, about 30-45 minutes on low heat

    Add topping, grab your red wine, and enjoy!

    xx,

    e.darby

  • équilibre

    img_0378-1
    Sonoma State University (@seawolfliving)

    I’m at work, and I keep getting these collect calls from state penitentiaries, the first one was a male located somewhere in Washington State, the second, a woman from here in CA. I hear these peoples’ recorded voices and I can’t help but immediately think; they are calling a wrong number with their one and only phone call of the day! I want to answer, I want to ask if I can contact someone for them, I don’t even think about what they might be in for. I like to say my default action is empathy.

    I can’t say the same for the rest of the world. I know there are people who mean well. I know there are those who go out of their way to volunteer, lend a hand to neighbors, but when it comes to someone bullying your child, where do you stand then? Does it immediately become an ‘us’ against ‘them’ mentality? Do you think about what that child may be going through that may cause them to enact such distress onto yours? I believe I know how I would respond in this situation, but as is often said, you truly don’t until it happens.

    I listen to all of these true crime podcasts, some are rife with levity; My Favorite Murder (though some may find this gauche given the subject), which is a great distraction from the more serious and often devastating Sword and Scale, or the exclusively UK, They Walk Among Us. I wouldn’t normally say this is close company but then again, how many people will actually see this…right? But I find myself focused more on the acused compared to the the victim. Let me dig a little deeper here; child crimes are my absolute. I don’t care who you are or how damaged a human being you became due to experiences that were beyond your control, if you harm a child you are below the lowest of even warranting a second glance or thought. There is no excuse for that behavior, I don’t care if you are a parent beating you child and you think you are disciplining them, or those involved in all the other various and unspeakable crimes against children I hear about. Hard line; you are scum if you hurt a child. Now, when children hurt other children, or their parents, etc. That to me warrants some further investigation. I am not sure if one is born with a proclivity for violence, but I do spend a lot of time during and immediately following these horrific stories wondering if something more could have been done. If that child expelled from school for bullying you kid could have had just a little more attention, a hands on approach rather than feeling tossed aside by the teachers and the system that should have been there to guide them. How do we garner such empathy for those who do horrible things? Is it possible? I hear of some families, held captive by the devastation of loosing their loved one, in the court room they stand, facing the accused and say; I forgive you. What it must take, and I don’t know about religion because though that may very well play a part, I am not religious. I hold and practice empathy and compassion of my own volition, not because I think it will grant me entry into a heavenly kingdom, or because a text has instructed me to ‘do unto others’. I have lived these thirty-one years, subjected to a well meaning, though incredibly spiteful at times, grandmother (may she rest in peace) and an often unaffectionate, though dedicated, mother. I muse on the probability that I should turn out so opposite; emotional, sensitive, a clear empath. Growing up, I was quiet, terribly shy, and I missed my mum wherever she left. In my 20’s, I was a social butterfly, independent to a fault, engaged in risky behavior which would eventually catch up with me. I later became very selective with my relationships and friendships, and now I would describe myself as being the healthy culmination of an introverted extrovert. Luckily, I have found someone of equal measure, and when this world gets too heavy, we are more than happy retreating to our little home, with our obnoxious though lovable cat, reflecting on all the things we remain thankful for. The best advice I can give during moments of such monumental tragedy; never loose focus on your capacity for kindness.

    xx,

    e.darby

  • Healthy Cauliflower Soup

    This is a dairy free recipe. I’ve had this soup made with milk and heavy cream as well and other than the consistency being a bit thicker using dairy, it honestly tastes identical!

    What you will need:

    3 teaspoons olive oil

    1 organic cauliflower bunch

    1/2 cup leeks, roughly chopped

    2 tablespoons organic garlic, peeled and minced

    2 cups unsweetened coconut milk

    2 1/2 cups vegetable stock

    1 teaspoon sea salt (additional to taste)

    Optional amount black pepper to taste

    1. Heat oil in a large pot. Add cauliflower, garlic, and leeks. Sauté and stir occasionally, until cauliflower has started to brown.

    2. Add the coconut milk and vegetable broth, simmer for 30 minutes.

    3. Add salt and pepper before placing in a blender, mix until smooth. You can do this in small batches, assuming of course, that your blender isn’t large enough for a full pitcher of margaritas 😉

    4. Return to the pot or simply pour into serving bowls and enjoy!

    I am trying a low carb inspired way of life (again) so instead of bread, I paired this with Stonefire Naan Dippers.

    Check back for more recipes (should I feel the urge to displace my husband as head chef of our home) and details of our upcoming trip to Scotland!

    xx,

    e.darby

  • trente-quatrième anniversaire

    img_3108-1.jpg
    I hate selfies…

    With the holidays fast approaching, I figure I better brush up on my cooking skills. I’ll admit, beginning a new job, studying for my Public Policy class, and all the fun of keeping up with local and national government news (constantly thinking it couldn’t possibly get any more ridiculous… then it does), I mainly defer to my husband for dinner concoctions. Basically, when he’s not cooking I am eating either popcorn, spinach, or cereal. Today is a very special occasion as the hubs turns 34. I chose a really easy lasagna recipe, he has been hounding me about it for months now. Since I quit drinking, I made sure to purchase some Martinelli’s organic sparkling cider. I did get some specialty craft brews for he birthday guy though. While he’s not typically one to indulge in sugar, he absolutely loves angel food cake. (I purchased a cheapie one from Safeway, $4.00). We of course had to include some fresh strawberries and real whip cream!

    The following lasagna recipe can be livened up with your choice of meat (pre cooked) or veggies. I went with cheese cause…we love cheese. ❤

    What you’ll need:

    1 container Ricotta cheese (these typical come in 32 oz., I felt using about a cup less would have been better)

    1 egg

    4* cups Mozzarella (you may want to use more, we did :p)

    1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

    1/4 cup chopped parsley

    1 jar of tomato basil pasta sauce

    12 cooked lasagna noodles (cooked)

    13×9″ baking pan (the single aluminum ones are great for storing the leftovers)

    • After cooking the noodles per package instructions, heat your oven to 350°F
    • Mix ricotta, 3 cups of mozzarella, 1/4 cup Parmesan, parsley, and egg until blended. (I used a potato masher)
    • Spread 3/4 cup pasta sauce onto the bottom o your pan. Ass three lasagna noodles, add ricotta cheese mixture, then add another three noodles, sauce, mixture, until you have uses all 12 noodles. Top those last noodles with sauce and then top with remaining mozzarella cheese*. Here, we just kept adding cheese until the entire area of saucy noodles was evenly covered. Lastly, sprinkle with Parmesan and… ready, set, BAKE! (is that trademarked? Oops)
    • Bake 45 min or until heated through. Let stand for 15 min. before serving please!
    IMG_2277
    Yum!
    $2.99 on Clearance! (merci Target, how did you know my hubbs is obsessed with Star Wars).
    We fancy

    xx,

    e.darby

  • la réflexion

    Was very excited to be back in Sonoma County, even for the day. The husband and I decided, with forthcoming large events already planned, that our first wedding anniversary would be spent in the wee town of Sebastopol, for their Annual Gravenstein Apple Fair. Bay Area funk band Con Brio was such an inspiration amid some very divisive news occurring at the same time (see Charlottesville, VA). Witnessing the diversity and lively atmosphere enjoyed by an inspiring culmination of individuals at this small, country town gathering, was immensely heartwarming.

    While attending Sonoma State I had my first opportunity to visit the farm friendly fair with my roommates. Once graduated, married, and following multiple experiences of great loss, I look back at these times I took for granted. One roommate, an ex who though I wish well, I do not keep in touch with, the other, I rarely if ever speak to, which is unfortunate as I fondly recall several nights we spent tipsy and emotional, assured we would be friends forever. Though she has moved on to have the most amazing life, I too remain thankful for my own, excited for the travels and experiences ahead. I’m grateful for a supportive partner who stands by in my darkest moments, of which there have been a few recently…

    After the death of one of my most influential musical artists this summer, I embarked on a solo road trip to attend a public memorial in Los Angeles, this just so happened to land on my amazing older sisters birthday!

    My husband was kind enough to cut our yearly trip with friends short and drive me home from Shasta late Sunday night. The majority of my time during this trip was spent taking in the mountain scenery from the patio of our Shasta rental, accompanied by the nostalgic sound of Linkin Park. All of the reminders from my youth came flooding in and suddenly, surprisingly, I was left facing the harsh reality that is mental illness. I must include an aside, I am  so very appreciative of my husband during difficult moments. I look forward to possibly return the favor, should he ever find himself venturing down his own dark spiral. But this is part of marriage few discuss; supporting one another and being strong when the other person just needs a little time for their armor to break, before helping to fuse it back together.

    We were able to make it home near midnight and had a few hour sleep prior to picking up my car rental, then I was off to LA. The drive out was therapeutic. I sang, I shouted along to the lyrics, I was left in awe of the San Gabriel hills. I took my time appreciating the scenery, though I’ve never felt like I had a large connection to Los Angeles. Even now, the sheer mass intimidates me. It appears to me as a living breathing organism, feeding off the various lives thriving and dwindling within it. Something about the vibe of this town has never seemed quite right.

    During the CB Memorial, I was in awe at the outpouring of emotions and heartfelt stories from fans at this all volunteer event held at Grand Park. The personal loss of those in attendance was immense, side by side with the devastation we all felt from losing someone most of us did not truly know, yet held so much connection to and received so much emotional support from.

    The day was made so much more special with my sister in tow. As I screamed alongside the crowd; “Shut up when I am talking to you!” She laughed, and sympathized with my angry childhood. The burning need I felt to be heard during such a pivotal time in my personal development, begging for attention rarely received from our shared single mother. We spent little time together growing up, with a six year age gap, when she wasn’t tormenting me she was attending to her teenage lifestyle, before joining the military. I am so honored to have the close relationship we’ve established and maintained over the years.

    The following day, I enjoy a short trip to Palos Verdes; sister and younger nephew in tow, before heading home. The view from the Terranea Resort was absolutely breathtaking, an area frequented by the late singer during his early morning workouts.

    Celio Point

    In response to my depression following the death of Chester Bennington, my husband and I decided to seek individual and couple therapy. We realize that we both have tendencies to get triggered by internal and external forces. Our experiences and traumas that drift into our daily lives from our pasts, have a way of quietly assimilating into the life we’ve created together. I have listed some of the resources we utilize with the hope that others who are wanting to work on themselves and/or their marriages/relationships, might also find these tools useful.

    In closing, I desperately hope to have more uplifting topics with my next post, but this morning I was made aware of the devastating occurrence in the city of Las Vegas, during the Route 91 Harvest Festival. I have family in the area and my heart goes out to those who personally felt the devastation from this monstrous act. (I have included a list of blood donation sites on my Twitter page). FB_IMG_1506961710965

    xx,

    e.darby

    Useful Resources:

    The First Year of Marriage

    Complex PTSD Workbook

    Bearing the Unbearable; Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief

     

  • Gettin Better-Anna Shinoda

    https://annashinoda.wordpress.com/2017/08/26/getting-better/amp/

  • fête des mères ’17

    This Vogue article almost perfectly sums up several of my fears when it comes to motherhood. I’ve touched on it briefly  but now that we’re a little older and financially sound, the posibility of having or considering having a kid looms closer each day. I say it like I wouldn’t welcome it but we both absolutaly would. It’s just that, the literature, the social media, and discussion board comments seem to be filled with everything from endearing mums to down right indignant commenters that believe you’re somehow owed a heavy dose of ridicule should you dare to kiss your child on the lips.

    I’ve purchased what most likely may be only my second, though probably last, baby book; The Impatient Women’s Guide to Getting Pregnant and guess what? Surprise! I have absolutely no patience for any of it. The data is conflicting, everyone and their – literal – mothers have an opinion on how to be the perfect parent when, lets be honest here, many could have probably done better. The argument being of course, even if you really did do what society hails as being a smashing job on raising the most respectful and hard working (don’t forget mindful) child know to man, there’s always something that could have been done differently, dare I say even, better. I know for a fact I’ve made mistakes in my past that will more than likely get thrown in my face by our future offspring, I like to think it will actually assist me in being the most awesome mum ever.

    Hot debates on fertility treatment, bread feeding in public, what you should and shouldn’t eat while pregnant, its enough for anyone to throw their hands up and say “forget it!” Though I warn against this, lest you insight judgment from the masses for being ‘selfish’ in you decision to not procreate (insert exaggerated eye roll). Add to the fact the studies, oh my are there a TON of studiers, for and against a glass of wine, e-cigs, cannabis to curb nausea, fish, wheat! I don’t know about you but I am already anxiety prone without having to worry about how getting upset in traffic might stall my ability to conceive. My past experience has taught me that nothing is promised, not tomorrow, not your significant other surviving another day, absolutely nothing, nor is anything owed for that matter. In addition, though this seems like sage wisdom when actually it’s just obvious advice; take care of not only yourselves but each other. There’s a lot of talk about feminism, but some of these same women turn on their fellow sisters; for breast feeding in public or asking local government to provide affordable daycare. I offer, that we not place so many labels on things, or ourselves, and be satisfied with the fact that you’ve been given the wonderful opportunity to exist, that you have the ability to make meaningful contribution to the world. I implore each and every one you to judge less and just…live more.

    Ps. I bought one more book, so far I am half regretting it half looking forward to discovering the healthy recipes I’ve been promised. If you like feeling that your consumption of meat is destroying your ‘baby home’-and the planet- then pick up Alicia Silverstone’s The Kind Mama.

    xx,

    e.darby